KENYAN AND CRAZY

Hi, I'm Kevin and I'm an addict. My day count has now made it to 3 days now and not getting easier. I'm back to work now so I have that going for me. Today was a tumultuous day and while stuck in traffic I almost started acting out. We are told that after you feel the need then your next step is to get a grip on your coping mechanism. Mine is to call my sponsor and get words of encouragement to make it to a safe place and she said something to me that I will never forget. "Take pride in yourself",simple as that. I feel worthless after I use and the high is gone but while sober my confidence and self worth give a whole new high that I cant explain. I am not saying I have found the all time cure but for however long my recovery takes I shall forever take pride in myself. Thanks for letting me share. Hi I'm Kevin and I'm an addict.....

Hi I'm kevin and I'm an addict.... Recovery is a choice that you have to make. It isn't the easiest thing in the world but it's not in your best interest to make it harder than it already is. I listened to what the rest of you guys said and I realized that I am burying my head and not actually dealing with things. Making amends with the people I hurt due to my addiction and the things that I had abandoned in my persuit to feed my addiction. One of you said that you are going to take some alone time and keep away from distractions so that you can reevaluate your life. I don't think I can do that, I constantly need distractions so that I don't end up using again. I probably used again a couple of days ago coz I left my mind idle for too long and I realized that one of my friends was using too so I got pissed off and did it myself. I know that I am to be in charge of my own happiness and moments of weakness I can't afford but this journey will be anything but a...

Hi Im kevin and Im an addict... I lost my day count today. Today was a good day,just like ice cube said but not the whole day was bad. I surrounded myself with friends and family but it seems it wasnt enough. I borrowed a friends car and drove myself straight to a place where I knew I would get a hit and I took it. Whats strange is that it didnt feel good. It felt worse than I ever let it feel,  my heart felt dark and the immidiate feeling of being a failure washed over me. I expect a lot from myself and I couldnt follow my one most important rule which was dont place yourself in a situation where you will be tempted. I start the sobriety process again and I ask the lord to give me the strength to accept the things I cant change. Hi Im Kevin and Im an addict.....

Hi, I'm Kevin and I'm an addict........ Before I finally gave in to rehab my friends and family staged an intervention. Its hard to hear what people have to say about you when you are high out of your wits but its good to listen. I couldn't bring myself to understanding what they were saying to me as I was still in a daze but their tears kinda hit home. Its now been 11 days without using and it doesn't get any easier. My sobriety should be the most important thing in my life right now but I am still on the edge of the cliff a lot now and if I don't watch it I could just end up going over the edge. I almost used this afternoon, I was in my car driving and I saw a dealer. Every addict can spot a dealer from a mile away but with the last shred of self control I had I got my phone and dialed my mothers number for some sense smacked into me. It may be hard to accept it but I know I am better off not using, the best I can do is pray that I can wake up every morning and b...

Hi, my name is Kevin and I am an addict. Its been 9 days since I last used and it hasn't been easy. I always needed a hit the moment I woke up and one more before I slept. I could handle only about 2 hours without having some during the day and concentrating during a business meeting was always harder without using. Where are my manners, I am sure you guys have only been seeing me around for a couple of days so the reason why is I moved away from my hometown because I could always get a ready supply over there. My dealer would call me out of the blue and I would spend every dime I had to get some. Some people call it coke, I call it her. I remember once driving across town in the pouring rain with floods everywhere just so I could touch her. I would embrace her and would fight anyone who tried to take her away from me. Just talking about her right now makes me want to start using again. Mark over there was talking about how he only felt complete when he was using and that's how...

Solitude, the echos in your house and the sound of your own heart beating. The 0 messages on your phone and being left with your own thoughts. I have enjoyed it for  too long but not anymore. When i grew up i didnt have a noisy house. No siblings running around and relatives who showed up were quickly paraded out. Thats the life that I enjoyed, but not anymore. The loneliness was always a friend of mine because it helped me find who I was inside. I finally found the noise and in my house, the anwers to how was your day were quick in coming and the laughter from making fun of baby photos and I enjoyed it. Maybe it was that I already found who I was and it was with you that I found myself...I dont want to go back to that because.. solitude is overrated ..

The Pachelbel Canon in D Major, the universal sound used at a wedding when a bride to be is walking down the aisle. I know this, because the organist is about to play that right now. This is my wedding, not a practice run and not a dream but my actual wedding. Got the church , the honored guests and my grooms men. My best friend behind me, my little brother behind him and my cousin rounding up the list. All dressed in white as per the bride's instructions and all looking nervous and somewhat unhappy since I don't want to show my true expression and end up looking sheepish on the wedding video. The theme for the wedding is white and gold, not black and blue for those not genetically gifted(Sorry a social media joke that I hope someone gets). The gold was my choice while the white was hers, shocking that I had a say in the wedding but contrary to popular belief about men arranging weddings the colors are holding together. Flowers on the aisles showing white roses with gold bow...