The Pachelbel Canon in D Major, the universal sound used at a wedding when a bride to be is walking down the aisle. I know this, because the organist is about to play that right now. This is my wedding, not a practice run and not a dream but my actual wedding. Got the church , the honored guests and my grooms men. My best friend behind me, my little brother behind him and my cousin rounding up the list. All dressed in white as per the bride's instructions and all looking nervous and somewhat unhappy since I don't want to show my true expression and end up looking sheepish on the wedding video. The theme for the wedding is white and gold, not black and blue for those not genetically gifted(Sorry a social media joke that I hope someone gets). The gold was my choice while the white was hers, shocking that I had a say in the wedding but contrary to popular belief about men arranging weddings the colors are holding together. Flowers on the aisles showing white roses with gold bows on the edge of each seat . The priest on my right seems in a hurry to be somewhere as he keeps checking his wrist watch. Why don't they have clocks on church walls I wonder, well I'm guessing its coz of times like this that watching time shouldn't matter. The first set of chords signify that the bridesmaids have finished their practice runs for their own weddings and the main celebrant is about to appear. I stiffen a little and I can feel a bead of sweat rolling down the small of may back. My best man hold my shoulder to bring me back down as it seems I was now standing on my toes.
This isnt the story of that day by the way, this is the story of a day years earlier that almost made that day not happen.
Saturday morning for those who don't have to go to work can mean one of two things, hangover or sleeping in. A lot of the time its a bit of both, this particular morning I woke up with a good feeling. You know that feeling you get when the bed was just the right temperature, the light was just the proper intensity and you voluntarily woke up. That was how that day felt. I reached over gently and stroked her hair as I watched the slow rhythm of the covers representing her breathing. I got out of bed carefully not to wake her and quietly got some juice and sat infront of the TV for my morning dose. Phylis and I had been dating for the last 3 years, we moved from seniors in university to working class people in that time. We didn't technically live together but most of the only time we weren't apart was when we were at work so I guess someone would say we were. "Hey you," Said a voice from the bedroom,"Do you have to be anywhere today?" She asked. "I ain't going nowhere" I answered in a scooby doo like tone. On days like these we would just laze around the house doing what working couples do best, nothing. We were both young up and comers in our chosen industries and the sky seemed like where we were heading for until this Saturday that I decided I would 'destroy' it. What was in my head that day I do not know but I figured I would do it no matter what. I suggested that we take a drive and she agreed, we drove out to the Kiambu circuit to watch the sun shimmering over the tea plants ,as cars drove by and the gentle breeze made the pine whistle. We walked to a small clearing that had a better view on the place and it was right there that I lay my heart out. In that moment I was oblivious of the beautiful view, the prying eyes of drivers and the pebble pressing against my knee. My eyes were full of hope, fear and watering a little. She looked down at me for a moment and before she answered I saw it in her eyes, that look that will forever be seared into my memory. Although I knew the answer, hearing it still came as a shock. She said "No".
My mouth went dry and being a man of many words I could come up with a single syllable, I slowly sat down as I could no longer balance. I looked up at her and without saying a word I handed her the car keys and started walking in the direction of home. She did not say another word but as I walked away I didn't look back, I could feel her eyes following me as I walked down the road. Home was probably 20 kilometers but I really didn't care, driving would have been too dangerous for me at that time so I walked. I walked and walked and walked thinking of nothing in particular but what had just happened. I played it over and over again it still didn't make sense to me. For those who have never gone through this its like a little part of you has been ripped out and you are never the same again. Your outlook on life changes and for a while you cant even recognize your reflection in the mirror.
I walked for what felt like hours until a car slowed down alongside me. The driver's window rolled down and a lady peeped out and said "Hi, Im looking for a town on this map and I have been driving for a while now. Is it close". My immediate mental reaction was to tell her to leave me alone and get google maps but I figured that if my life wasn't working out then why should I take it out on someone else. I looked at the map and told her " You are only about 5 kilometers, you will know when you see a billboard advertising beer"
"Thanks, what did you say your name is?" She asked.
"I didn't" I replied rather rudely but I quickly corrected myself "My name is Martin, whats your?"
"Jessica, You live around here? Can I give you a ride?" She offered with an interestingly hopeful in her eyes.
I looked up and down the road and realized that it would be dark before I got home, I agreed and jumped in and she started off.
"So Martin, is your favourite pass time walking on the side of the road and giving people directions?"
She asked.
"If you wouldn't mind, I have kinda had a long day so can we drive in silence" I requested with fatigue in my voice.
"Its okay but I would like to warn you that I don't actually give up".
We drove the rest of the way with me silent and her prodding me to conversation. I asked her to drop me off at a bus stop outside the town and out of courtesy we exchanged numbers. I got a bus the rest of the way home and on getting there I found my car parked outside. I dreaded walking in to find Phylis waiting for me. The house was just as I had left it except that her stuff wasn't there. Clothes, lady products even her tooth brush wasn't there. They only thing I could see she left behind was our last valentine photo on my desk. I put it face down on the table and placed the ring on it. A new chapter of my life had began. What does someone do when they are single? I would soon find out.
Two weeks, 14 hangovers, 3 one night stands and a DUI later, Jessica called. I picked the call out of courtesy and she asked if she could buy me a coffee. After a diet of alcohol and fast food the thought of a coffee shop with functioning human beings felt welcome. We met up the next day and I immediately regretted showing up. She was so joyful and I wasn't in the mood for all that but I was already rude to her once I did my best to be pleasant. Strangely the conversation flowed, she asked about my work and I asked about hers. She showed an interest in my hobbies since it seems we had the same ones. I felt something that I hadn't felt in a while, I smiled. The same smile i feel right now as I stand here watching bride to be Jessica walking down the aisle. Her father holding her hand, as they move closer and closer my stomach settles and my resolve grown stronger. My vows repeat themselves in my head so that I do not forget them. She is inches away from me now and her father reaches for my hand and looks straight into my eyes and says, "I hand to you the most beautiful gift ever given , she shall no longer be mine but yours. Please take care of her as I have done or I shall take her back" He turned to her and said " I am no longer your provider but I remain your father and my doors remain open should you ever need shelter".
The old man turned around and walked to sit with his wife, he had always seemed larger than life but on this day he seemed to be broken. His strong face was now cracking and he had to hold on to his wife's arm for reassurance as he held back tears.
The priest asked us to say our vows . I turned to my bride to be and said,
"I saw these words , not as a metaphor but as the truth, I was thrust into a hot wilderness with the darkness of despair surrounding me but you appeared and pulled me out. I couldn't go on with life in that solitude but you came and my my life whole. I need you in my life for the rest of my life......and to think it almost didn't happen.
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